It didn’t feel right, but I didn’t see any other way around it. I was feeling guilty, but that was to be expected. I knew I had to push through. I was breaking up with my hairdresser in a brief and very direct note.
I knew how things would go if I tried to do it in person or over the phone. The same way our conversations always seemed to go, no matter how many times – no, make that how many years – I continued to try to have things go differently. Our conversations would end up being very one-sided, with him always being the one who was right and me being the one who would concede.
And that’s precisely the reason I found myself facing what I was about to do. Because I had tolerated a relationship that was truly intolerable to me. One where I didn’t even have a say about my own hairstyle. And it was MY HAIR, for crying out loud!
‘How did I get here?’, I wondered. After nearly 18 years and following him to 3 different salons. After driving an hour from my home each way to make my appointments with him every 6 to 8 weeks. Paying a handsome price to have my hair colored, cut and blown out in the same exact style every time (because he was the one resistant to changing it). Putting up with the gossip and the teasing and the put-downs of his colleagues. Tolerating all of it, and for what? This wasn’t me. This wasn’t how I ‘did’ relationships.
I’d had enough. I had reached that proverbial tipping point and there was no turning back from there. Not to mention that I didn’t want to turn back. I’d made up my mind and if I tried to have a conversation with him about it, things would simply go back to where they had been all these years. A clean break was the only way through to the other side. To freedom. To taking back my power.
It’s now been more than 2 months since the breakup. He called me only once after receiving my note, letting me know in no uncertain terms that ‘We needed to talk, ok?’. To no one in particular, I commented ‘No, we don’t. You may think you need to talk to me, but I don’t need to talk to you. I’ve said my peace and I’m moving on.’ Whew! That felt really good.
Perhaps you think I was too harsh. I assure you that my note was kind, but to the point. [highlightbold]I thanked him for all the years we had been together. I let him know that I had decided that it was time for me to make some big changes in my life and I wished him well.[/highlightbold] Short and sweet. As I had intended it to be.
I’m not even sure I could tell you why I had let this go on as long as I had. But I suspect there is some truth to the saying that we all resist change. We stick with the ‘status quo’ because we somehow convince ourselves that it is just easier. We don’t like confrontation or we don’t want to make a big deal. And yet it is a big deal.
To tolerate something that goes against the grain of who you are and what you want is no way to live your one precious life. Your Juicy Conscious Life.
Where are you tolerating something that is intolerable? Look closely and carefully at each area of your life. Because if it has been going on for any length of time, it may not feel intolerable or even noticeable at first. It may not feel like much of anything if you have become numb to those sensations like I had. What is it that you simply won’t tolerate anymore? Once you’ve decided, take one small action to change it and slowly begin moving in a direction that aligns with who you are and what you want.
As always, I love hearing from you so please leave some comments below and I promise to respond.
From my juicy heart to yours,