My Juicy Peaches

Letting Go and the Art of Acceptance

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” — Oprah Winfrey

When we can practice letting go and trusting that things will work out exactly the way they are supposed to, without us always trying to control the outcome, we learn to enjoy the present moment more fully for the experience that it truly is.  We can actually ‘live’ and experience the feeling of being alive in those moments because they are what’s real.  Our true Self recognizes this as the juiciness of life.

Our past is in the past.  Our future is not yet here and it comes with no guarantee.  And yet much of our time, energy and thoughts are spent looking back at or living from our past and worrying about a future yet to be.   When we get so lost in the not-quites, the never-going-to-happens and the not-enoughs, our inner pilot light begins to slowly burn out … we lose track of our truest Self.  We forget (or don’t even recognize) that our desire to control is an illusion — reactive and rooted in fear, served up by our egoic mind for the purposes of survival and power.

Letting go is accepting the present moments without judgement.  It also means allowing others to create their own destinies and shape their own best lives.  We don’t need to know the ‘hows’ if we are willing to give that up to the Universe.  All it requires is our willingness to let go, accept what is and have faith.

I have been attempting to control the destiny of an important relationship in my life.  For more than a year, I have been initiating most of the calls, emails, text messages and plans for us to spend time together.  Somehow my little ‘monkey-brain’ thought that if I could just manage to stay connected with this man (who I’ve come to care about & love), eventually he might see and love me for who I really am and want us to be a more integral part of each others lives.

Not surprisingly, this way of being is not working.  I decided it was time to ‘fix’ that, though how I went about it was a bit of a disaster.  A couple of weeks ago I asked him if we could talk and I let him know that what I needed from him was for us to spend more time together, to be connected more often and for him to be the one to initiate plans for us to be together.  My need to be in control of the situation turned into me nearly forcing him to promise these things to me before we could move on to the next topic.  At some point I even said something to the effect of being willing to walk away if this didn’t happen because it just wasn’t working for ME.  Eventually he did promise these things … begrudgingly.  But when I hung up the phone, I couldn’t figure out why I felt like crap.  Didn’t I just get what I said I wanted?

I soon realized that I had manipulated him into saying what I wanted to hear.  Geez, no wonder I felt like crap!  I could only imagine how I’d left him.  Ugh!  So I called him back, confessed to being a total idiot and apologized straight away.  And then an amazing thing happened.  I let him speak into that clear & empty space I’d created.  I let myself be fully in that moment and just listened to everything he had to say — no judgements or assessments, just love, acceptance and a willingness to understand.  I got the whole world of things for him — his past relationships and the complaints he had received about not being available enough, his present struggles and frustrations around not being listened to and a future he’s unsure of — and I began to grasp things from his point of view.  What an amazing gift!

I got clear about something for myself, too.  My commitment is not that we spend more time together.  That was just my ego trying to control the situation out of my own deep-seated fears.  Fear of not ever being heard or seen for who I am and not having my own needs met were totally running the show.  If I dig a little bit deeper, the fear of not being chosen, adored and loved is also there.

My true commitment — where I am standing from now on — is that he achieve peace, forgiveness and completion around his past relationships and is then able to see that love, acceptance, support and true partnership is possible in a committed relationship — whether that relationship is one we share or not.  I’m also committed to always creating a space of radical honesty between us and a place of love & support.

This is what’s possible when there is a willingness to let go and to accept the truth that reveals itself in the millions of ‘now’ moments in our lives.  This is also where the gifts we most want to receive are made available to us — love, acceptance and understanding — because it is here in this space that we are capable of providing those gifts to another person.

What will you choose to let go of today?  What would be possible in that area of your life if you did?

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