I recently happened to catch a random comment on Facebook that completely horrified me. I couldn’t believe the words I’d read on the page and even more so what those words were conveying. This man’s comment was made in response to a hoax video where a woman is hit and killed by a speeding car when she runs screaming from her house after her boyfriend/husband scares the crap out of her by jumping out from behind a wall with a mask on. At the risk of offending a whole lot of people, here is what the comment said: “Hmmm, perfect way for someone to rid yourself of a bitch of a wife.”
It All Started One Fall Weekend
After getting over the shock of reading the comment, I had to ask myself ‘How did we get to such an ugly place where a man would feel justified in making such a comment?’ I was certainly horrified and yet super curious at the same time. My next statement may surprise you, especially if you are a woman (just giving you a heads up). What had the women in this man’s life done and said to him that would bring him to such a low point? Yes, I just said that. I pointed the proverbial finger back at myself and most women when it comes to the role we play in the emasculation of the men in our lives.
Giving Up the Right to Castrate Men … Forever
And so continues my on-going study into understanding the relationships between men and women. I’m so committed to studying this that I put myself into a weekend course led by PAX Programs called ‘Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women’. I was (and am) determined to understand what I don’t know that I don’t know about the differences between men and women. I am on a quest for the emancipation of the human spirit inside of the relationships between men and women and am a stand for the existence of true partnership becoming the norm rather than the exception.
Early on during the weekend, the women in the workshop were invited to participate in a crossing-over ceremony that was extremely powerful and emotional for each of us. We were each asked to make a pledge to give up the right to castrate men forever. Participants who did not feel like they could honestly do this were kindly told this was the time during the workshop where they could leave, no questions asked and with a full refund. No Siree Bob! Giving up the right to castrate men forever is not for the faint of heart.
Short-Term and Long-Term Effects
So I laid down my sword with about 30 other brave women that day and I’m so very glad that I did. I think a lot more women would do the same thing if they could really see the damage it causes. I can now see that there is such a tremendous cause and effect relationship for women to be aware of and responsible for here. By nature I believe that men instinctually regard women with love and trust, wanting intimacy with them and to provide and protect them. Over time, however, castration can cause men to be suspicious, disdainful and relate to women from a place of fear rather than love. In essence, we unconsciously create the exact opposite of what we really want in our relationships with men by bringing out the worst in them. In the end, emasculation leaves both men and women disempowered.
While I can never know for certain, I believe the ‘bitch of a wife’ comment is likely the effect of emasculation over a long period of time. You may be wondering if I was compelled to respond to the comment. Truthfully I had to sit on it for about a day before I formulated a response I could live with. Instinctually I wanted to emasculate this stranger by expressing anger, criticism and resentment. I had given up the right, but the instinct was still there and I knew I still had a long way to go. In those moments of reflection I remembered my pledge and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of sadness and compassion. Instead what I wrote back to him was this: ‘I don’t know you and I truly hope that you don’t really feel this way about women. If you do then I’m very sorry … that makes me extremely sad.’
The definition of ’emasculation’ as it is used here is: to deprive of strength, vigor or spirit; to weaken. Begin to notice all the different ways you and the women around you emasculate the men in your lives. It may be as obvious as when you are ignoring them, interrupting them or not allowing them to provide for you. Notice the language you use and how it can oftentimes shows up in oh so subtle ways. Notice them and write them all down. Awareness is always the first step to change. And if you’re ready to lay down your sword for good, here are a couple of great resources for you to check out.